After four weeks of washing dishes in the bathroom sink and cooking on the barbecue, my partner and I were pretty stoked about our new kitchen. We decided to paint the space immediately, opting for Resene Clockwork Orange on the walls and Resene Black White on the exposed beam ceiling for a look designed to shock our parents and inspired by 2001 A Space Odyssey (we are film nerds, after all). We loved the sci-fi theme but what happened next was more akin to something the malfunctioning HAL 9000 computer might do in that movie.

One morning before work, I decided to wash out a paint bucket. But for some reason, I decided to use the garden hose for my clean- up job. I turned the hose off and went on my merry way to work. Except I hadn't turned the hose off, I had instead put the hose on a timer. Later that day, the hose leapt to life like a charmed snake and slithered its way through the air before locking lips with the cat flap opening. The hose then sprayed water through the cat flap into the new kitchen for 10 minutes every hour for most of the day. My partner was first to arrive home to find the sodden kitchen and our very confused little dog hind deep in water. I called the insurance company and an inspector came around and that's when I heard "wow" for the second time. The particle board subfloor now resembled soggy Weetbix, and after trying to dry the space with industrial heaters, the experts declared the new kitchen and flooring had to be ripped out and replaced only a week after they had been installed. The Resene Clockwork Orange walls were thankfully spared from the disaster and the dog eventually forgave us.

I'm not sure if there's a moral to this story, but the sight of hoses still makes me recoil to this day."

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